MINDSET SHIFT FOR COUPLE

A

Amobi Emeka

Member
MINDSET CHANGE THAT HAS HELPED MY FAMILY


Below are mindset shift that any modern couple must have if they want to have a successful marriage in today's economy.
 
1. Change from “The man is the provider” to “We provide together.”

For generations, men were generally expected to carry the financial responsibility of the home. That expectation made sense because men were overwhelmingly the primary earners.

Today, circumstances are different. A wife may earn more than her husband. A husband may earn more than his wife. Both may earn similar amounts. One may temporarily have no income.

The mindset needs to change from “What is the man supposed to provide?” to “What do we need to build this family, and how can we contribute together?”

If you fail here, it is your children who will suffer the consequences.

Marriage is a partnership, not a salary arrangement.
 
2. Change from “His money and my money” to “Our money.”

Two people can maintain separate bank accounts and still have a united financial life.

The important thing is not necessarily putting every naira into one account. It is being transparent about income, debts, expenses, savings, investments and financial priorities.

Our separate families may not know it but no substantial amount (in excess of N20K) goes to either my family or her family without the knowledge of both of us.

It does not matter whether the money is from your salary. That money belongs to the family. It is OUR money.

We are not yet as rich as Dangote, so we must be careful how we spend. We are building for our children, not our parents.

Buying a home, raising children, investing, supporting family and preparing for retirement become easier when both spouses see themselves as members of the same financial team.
 
3. Change from “Who earns more?” to “Who can contribute what?”

A woman's higher income should not threaten her husband's identity. Neither should a man's higher income make his wife feel financially insignificant. Money is only one form of contribution.

One person earning more right now does not mean they will be the one earning more throughout the lifetime of the marriage.

One person may earn more while the other does more childcare. One may handle the household while the other works longer hours. At different stages of marriage, those contributions can change.

The goal should not be 50/50 every day,
which is equal contribution. The goal should be 100/100, both spouses giving their all into the marriage per time.

Of course, you know I will not write this without mentioning 100/100 😀
 
4. Change from “My expectations” to “Our expectations.”

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is entering marriage with expectations they have never discussed.

The wife assumes the husband will pay all the bills. The husband assumes his wife will contribute to paying the bills.

She assumes they will live in a particular kind of house in a particular neighborhood. He assumes she will understand that this is what he can afford.

Nobody is necessarily wrong. They simply never had the conversation. So the expectations were not mutual.

Before marriage, don't just ask, “Do you love me?”
Ask, “What exactly do you expect marriage to look like?”

Both of you must have mutual expectations for the marriage to work.
 
5. Change from “Love will solve our problems” to “We must learn how to solve problems together.”

Love is important, but marriage will eventually introduce problems that feelings alone cannot solve.

Successful couples need to learn how to discuss difficult issues without turning every disagreement into a battle for supremacy.

The question should not be:
“Who is winning this argument?”

It should be:
“How do we solve this problem without damaging our relationship?”

In the end, it is for the marriage to win.
 
6. Change from “My spouse owes me a particular lifestyle” to “We will build our lifestyle together.”

Marriage does not automatically guarantee that either person will maintain the lifestyle they enjoyed before marriage.

Your income can change. Your spouse's income can change. Children can arrive. Businesses can struggle. Careers can change.

Sometimes you move forward financially. Sometimes you need to cut back.

The healthier mindset is:
“Whatever our circumstances become, we will face them together.”

Do not build your expectations around what other couples display on social media.

Build according to your own reality.

Live in an apartment that you can afford. Let your kids attend a school that you can afford.
 
7. Change from “What can I get from this marriage?” to “What can we build together?”

This is the biggest mindset change of all.

Marriage becomes difficult when both people enter asking:
“What will my spouse do for me?”

Instead, ask:
“What kind of family are we trying to build, and what will each of us contribute to making it happen?”

That is the mindset shift from transaction to partnership.

The bottom line
The old question was often:
“What is the man's responsibility and what is the woman's responsibility?”

That is no longer the reality we live in.

The better question is:
“What responsibilities have the two of us agreed to carry, and how will we carry them together?”

This does not mean men cannot be providers. It does not mean women must become providers.

It simply means gender should not determine what resources, abilities and opportunities available to both of you.

Marriage is not 100/100 because both people must contribute the exact same thing.

It is 100/100 because both people should be fully committed to building the life they agreed to build together.

We practiced all these and today, we have started the process of giving our kids a better life where they can compete with their peers globally.

The borderless life.

If this helped you, kindly do well to share the post. Thank you.
 
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