Wisdom Before you Marry

There's a lot of fuss over marriage and how people should go into it.

Some entered marriage after premarital sex.
Some because of pregnancy.
Some through coercion.
Some because of family expectations, rites, or tradition.
Some against their own will.
Others delayed because they wanted financial stability or clarity.
Some pursued their careers for years before settling down.

Then there are those who insist that the only proper way is to fast, pray, wait, and keep waiting until you hear God specifically tell you whom to marry.

The irony is this: of all these approaches, none comes with a guaranteed happy marriage.

Marriage has never been insulated from the realities of human nature.

God gave Adam Eve, yet she ate the forbidden fruit.

Abraham and Sarah became covenant people, yet Sarah suggested Hagar.

God led Isaac to Rebekah, yet she deceived him.

God told Hosea to marry Gomer, yet she was unfaithful.

The point?

Even when God's hand is evident in a relationship, it doesn't remove the humanity of the people in it. Marriage is still between two imperfect people who must learn to love, forgive, communicate, grow, and extend grace to one another.

So yes, pray about who to marry. Seek God's wisdom. But don't imagine that hearing, "This is the one," guarantees a trouble-free marriage.

Two becoming one is not merely a promise to claim. It is a lifelong process of becoming.

Perhaps we should spend as much time teaching people how to be a godly spouse as we do teaching them how to find one.

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When I was growing up, there was something about my mom that always caught my attention.

Anytime my dad asked her for money, her answer was always the same:
I don’t have money.

Not once.
Not twice.
Every single time.

One day, my dad couldn’t hold it anymore. He looked at her and said:
You don’t have money? So what are you doing in that your shop? You wake up, take your bath, and go to your shop… if that shop is not giving you money, then close it.

My mom kept quiet.

He continued
Anytime anyone asks you for money, it’s the same thing ‘I don’t have, I don’t have.’ So the money you are making, where is it going? Why is it that your own money never comes out?

She simply replied,
I don’t have money.

The way she said it…
you would just believe her.

That was how it used to be in our home.

Until one night…

Thieves came.

That night, everyone was asleep. But my mom is the type that wakes up at the slightest sound. While we were sleeping, she started hearing movements outside.

She didn’t panic.

She quietly got up and looked through the window.

That was when she saw them.

Thi£v£s.

Immediately, she gathered her money and hid it inside one of her bags. Then she rushed to my dad and said
Wake up… wake up… it looks like there are thi£v£s outside.

My dad jumped up immediately.

He carried a bucket, poured water into it, brought out his money, put it inside a nylon, tied it well, and dropped it inside the bucket of water. Then he added clothes and detergent on top, just like someone who had soaked laundry.

After that, he turned to my mom and said:
Bring your own money, let me put it inside here.

My mom looked at him and said:
I don’t have money.

My dad didn’t argue. He just took a some amount of money and placed it on top of the fridge.

Before we could understand what was happening, we heard loud knocks on the door.

GBAM! GBAM! GBAM!

The next thing…

They broke the door and entered.

There were three of them.

One came straight into our room and shouted:
Where is the money? Bring it now!

My dad pointed to the top of the fridge and said
It’s there.

They took it immediately.

Outside, another one was already shouting: Come out! Let’s go! Let’s go!

It sounded like vigilantes were already coming.

So the one inside, holding a knife, was about to leave…

But as he turned, his eyes fell on my mom’s bag.

Immediately, he rushed to grab it.

But my mom was faster.

She grabbed the bag first and held it tight.

The thi£f got @ngry immediately

He started h!tt!ng her with the knif£ again and again, trying to for¢£ the bag out of her hand.
Everything was happening so fast

My mom was shouting No! No!No

But she didn't let go.

My dad shouted immediately:
Leave the bag now! You said you don’t have money! Leave it before this man will k!|| you here

But my mom refused.

She held the bag tighter, shouting:
No! No!

The other one outside was shouting louder come out let's go come out let's go let's go

The thi£f h!t her a few more times…

Suddenly he paused. maybe he was getting s¢@red

Then suddenly, he let go and ran out to join the others.

And just like that…

They were gone.

That night…

Nobody slept.

We were all cr¥!ng.

My dad kept saying:
I told you! You said you don’t have money, so why were you holding the bag?

Then my mom said something I will never forget:

It’s not that I don’t have… I just don’t want it to become a habit.

That was when I understood…

I don’t have money was never a lie.

It was a strategy.
A protection.
A silent survival code.

And somehow…

That habit entered me.

Today, anytime my husband asks me for money, my answer is simple:
I don’t have.

The way I say it, sometimes it feels like it’s my mom speaking through me.

My husband understands me now, so he doesn’t usually ask me for money directly anymore. Instead, he says:
I know you don’t have money, but please go and buy. I will give you later, I will give you.

That is how he talks to me now.

He no longer says, Do you have money? or Bring money.

He just says:
I know you don’t have money. Go and buy this, I will give you when I come back.

And that is the only way I respond.

By Blessing Ifeoma Chizobam

Copied Post

When I was growing up, there was something about my mom that always caught my attention.

Anytime my dad asked her for money, her answer was always the same:
I don’t have money.

Not once.
Not twice.
Every single time.

One day, my dad couldn’t hold it anymore. He looked at her and said:
You don’t have money? So what are you doing in that your shop? You wake up, take your bath, and go to your shop… if that shop is not giving you money, then close it.

My mom kept quiet.

He continued
Anytime anyone asks you for money, it’s the same thing ‘I don’t have, I don’t have.’ So the money you are making, where is it going? Why is it that your own money never comes out?

She simply replied,
I don’t have money.

The way she said it…
you would just believe her.

That was how it used to be in our home.

Until one night…

Thieves came.

That night, everyone was asleep. But my mom is the type that wakes up at the slightest sound. While we were sleeping, she started hearing movements outside.

She didn’t panic.

She quietly got up and looked through the window.

That was when she saw them.

Thi£v£s.

Immediately, she gathered her money and hid it inside one of her bags. Then she rushed to my dad and said
Wake up… wake up… it looks like there are thi£v£s outside.

My dad jumped up immediately.

He carried a bucket, poured water into it, brought out his money, put it inside a nylon, tied it well, and dropped it inside the bucket of water. Then he added clothes and detergent on top, just like someone who had soaked laundry.

After that, he turned to my mom and said:
Bring your own money, let me put it inside here.

My mom looked at him and said:
I don’t have money.

My dad didn’t argue. He just took a some amount of money and placed it on top of the fridge.

Before we could understand what was happening, we heard loud knocks on the door.

GBAM! GBAM! GBAM!

The next thing…

They broke the door and entered.

There were three of them.

One came straight into our room and shouted:
Where is the money? Bring it now!

My dad pointed to the top of the fridge and said
It’s there.

They took it immediately.

Outside, another one was already shouting: Come out! Let’s go! Let’s go!

It sounded like vigilantes were already coming.

So the one inside, holding a knife, was about to leave…

But as he turned, his eyes fell on my mom’s bag.

Immediately, he rushed to grab it.

But my mom was faster.

She grabbed the bag first and held it tight.

The thi£f got @ngry immediately

He started h!tt!ng her with the knif£ again and again, trying to for¢£ the bag out of her hand.
Everything was happening so fast

My mom was shouting No! No!No

But she didn't let go.

My dad shouted immediately:
Leave the bag now! You said you don’t have money! Leave it before this man will k!|| you here

But my mom refused.

She held the bag tighter, shouting:
No! No!

The other one outside was shouting louder come out let's go come out let's go let's go

The thi£f h!t her a few more times…

Suddenly he paused. maybe he was getting s¢@red

Then suddenly, he let go and ran out to join the others.

And just like that…

They were gone.

That night…

Nobody slept.

We were all cr¥!ng.

My dad kept saying:
I told you! You said you don’t have money, so why were you holding the bag?

Then my mom said something I will never forget:

It’s not that I don’t have… I just don’t want it to become a habit.

That was when I understood…

I don’t have money was never a lie.

It was a strategy.
A protection.
A silent survival code.

And somehow…

That habit entered me.

Today, anytime my husband asks me for money, my answer is simple:
I don’t have.

The way I say it, sometimes it feels like it’s my mom speaking through me.

My husband understands me now, so he doesn’t usually ask me for money directly anymore. Instead, he says:
I know you don’t have money, but please go and buy. I will give you later, I will give you.

That is how he talks to me now.

He no longer says, Do you have money? or Bring money.

He just says:
I know you don’t have money. Go and buy this, I will give you when I come back.

And that is the only way I respond.

By Blessing Ifeoma Chizoban

Mr OJO Olayele said:

Copied Post

When I was growing up, there was something about my mom that always caught my attention.

Anytime my dad asked her for money, her answer was always the same:
I don’t have money.

Not once.
Not twice.
Every single time.

One day, my dad couldn’t hold it anymore. He looked at her and said:
You don’t have money? So what are you doing in that your shop? You wake up, take your bath, and go to your shop… if that shop is not giving you money, then close it.

My mom kept quiet.

He continued
Anytime anyone asks you for money, it’s the same thing ‘I don’t have, I don’t have.’ So the money you are making, where is it going? Why is it that your own money never comes out?

She simply replied,
I don’t have money.

The way she said it…
you would just believe her.

That was how it used to be in our home.

Until one night…

Thieves came.

That night, everyone was asleep. But my mom is the type that wakes up at the slightest sound. While we were sleeping, she started hearing movements outside.

She didn’t panic.

She quietly got up and looked through the window.

That was when she saw them.

Thi£v£s.

Immediately, she gathered her money and hid it inside one of her bags. Then she rushed to my dad and said
Wake up… wake up… it looks like there are thi£v£s outside.

My dad jumped up immediately.

He carried a bucket, poured water into it, brought out his money, put it inside a nylon, tied it well, and dropped it inside the bucket of water. Then he added clothes and detergent on top, just like someone who had soaked laundry.

After that, he turned to my mom and said:
Bring your own money, let me put it inside here.

My mom looked at him and said:
I don’t have money.

My dad didn’t argue. He just took a some amount of money and placed it on top of the fridge.

Before we could understand what was happening, we heard loud knocks on the door.

GBAM! GBAM! GBAM!

The next thing…

They broke the door and entered.

There were three of them.

One came straight into our room and shouted:
Where is the money? Bring it now!

My dad pointed to the top of the fridge and said
It’s there.

They took it immediately.

Outside, another one was already shouting: Come out! Let’s go! Let’s go!

It sounded like vigilantes were already coming.

So the one inside, holding a knife, was about to leave…

But as he turned, his eyes fell on my mom’s bag.

Immediately, he rushed to grab it.

But my mom was faster.

She grabbed the bag first and held it tight.

The thi£f got @ngry immediately

He started h!tt!ng her with the knif£ again and again, trying to for¢£ the bag out of her hand.
Everything was happening so fast

My mom was shouting No! No!No

But she didn't let go.

My dad shouted immediately:
Leave the bag now! You said you don’t have money! Leave it before this man will k!|| you here

But my mom refused.

She held the bag tighter, shouting:
No! No!

The other one outside was shouting louder come out let's go come out let's go let's go

The thi£f h!t her a few more times…

Suddenly he paused. maybe he was getting s¢@red

Then suddenly, he let go and ran out to join the others.

And just like that…

They were gone.

That night…

Nobody slept.

We were all cr¥!ng.

My dad kept saying:
I told you! You said you don’t have money, so why were you holding the bag?

Then my mom said something I will never forget:

It’s not that I don’t have… I just don’t want it to become a habit.

That was when I understood…

I don’t have money was never a lie.

It was a strategy.
A protection.
A silent survival code.

And somehow…

That habit entered me.

Today, anytime my husband asks me for money, my answer is simple:
I don’t have.

The way I say it, sometimes it feels like it’s my mom speaking through me.

My husband understands me now, so he doesn’t usually ask me for money directly anymore. Instead, he says:
I know you don’t have money, but please go and buy. I will give you later, I will give you.

That is how he talks to me now.

He no longer says, Do you have money? or Bring money.

He just says:
I know you don’t have money. Go and buy this, I will give you when I come back.

And that is the only way I respond.

By Blessing Ifeoma Chizobam

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid02zhZwnai5fCArqDpwRF8xoBvg6tv2i9GR6KC44teWny3Z1MXfzoacurvM4Qnt5dV7l&id=100035812096400

Click to expand...

Before you Marry, to know how a person you want to marry will behave in the marriage, look at the same sex parent who raised them. A woman will inherit her mother’s values and principles and habits and a man will inherit his father’s values and principles and habits…… There are very few exceptions to this….. See the proof above

Mr OJO Olayele said:

Copied Post

When I was growing up, there was something about my mom that always caught my attention.

Anytime my dad asked her for money, her answer was always the same:
I don’t have money.

Not once.
Not twice.
Every single time.

One day, my dad couldn’t hold it anymore. He looked at her and said:
You don’t have money? So what are you doing in that your shop? You wake up, take your bath, and go to your shop… if that shop is not giving you money, then close it.

My mom kept quiet.

He continued
Anytime anyone asks you for money, it’s the same thing ‘I don’t have, I don’t have.’ So the money you are making, where is it going? Why is it that your own money never comes out?

She simply replied,
I don’t have money.

The way she said it…
you would just believe her.

That was how it used to be in our home.

Until one night…

Thieves came.

That night, everyone was asleep. But my mom is the type that wakes up at the slightest sound. While we were sleeping, she started hearing movements outside.

She didn’t panic.

She quietly got up and looked through the window.

That was when she saw them.

Thi£v£s.

Immediately, she gathered her money and hid it inside one of her bags. Then she rushed to my dad and said
Wake up… wake up… it looks like there are thi£v£s outside.

My dad jumped up immediately.

He carried a bucket, poured water into it, brought out his money, put it inside a nylon, tied it well, and dropped it inside the bucket of water. Then he added clothes and detergent on top, just like someone who had soaked laundry.

After that, he turned to my mom and said:
Bring your own money, let me put it inside here.

My mom looked at him and said:
I don’t have money.

My dad didn’t argue. He just took a some amount of money and placed it on top of the fridge.

Before we could understand what was happening, we heard loud knocks on the door.

GBAM! GBAM! GBAM!

The next thing…

They broke the door and entered.

There were three of them.

One came straight into our room and shouted:
Where is the money? Bring it now!

My dad pointed to the top of the fridge and said
It’s there.

They took it immediately.

Outside, another one was already shouting: Come out! Let’s go! Let’s go!

It sounded like vigilantes were already coming.

So the one inside, holding a knife, was about to leave…

But as he turned, his eyes fell on my mom’s bag.

Immediately, he rushed to grab it.

But my mom was faster.

She grabbed the bag first and held it tight.

The thi£f got @ngry immediately

He started h!tt!ng her with the knif£ again and again, trying to for¢£ the bag out of her hand.
Everything was happening so fast

My mom was shouting No! No!No

But she didn't let go.

My dad shouted immediately:
Leave the bag now! You said you don’t have money! Leave it before this man will k!|| you here

But my mom refused.

She held the bag tighter, shouting:
No! No!

The other one outside was shouting louder come out let's go come out let's go let's go

The thi£f h!t her a few more times…

Suddenly he paused. maybe he was getting s¢@red

Then suddenly, he let go and ran out to join the others.

And just like that…

They were gone.

That night…

Nobody slept.

We were all cr¥!ng.

My dad kept saying:
I told you! You said you don’t have money, so why were you holding the bag?

Then my mom said something I will never forget:

It’s not that I don’t have… I just don’t want it to become a habit.

That was when I understood…

I don’t have money was never a lie.

It was a strategy.
A protection.
A silent survival code.

And somehow…

That habit entered me.

Today, anytime my husband asks me for money, my answer is simple:
I don’t have.

The way I say it, sometimes it feels like it’s my mom speaking through me.

My husband understands me now, so he doesn’t usually ask me for money directly anymore. Instead, he says:
I know you don’t have money, but please go and buy. I will give you later, I will give you.

That is how he talks to me now.

He no longer says, Do you have money? or Bring money.

He just says:
I know you don’t have money. Go and buy this, I will give you when I come back.

And that is the only way I respond.

By Blessing Ifeoma Chizobam

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=pfbid02zhZwnai5fCArqDpwRF8xoBvg6tv2i9GR6KC44teWny3Z1MXfzoacurvM4Qnt5dV7l&id=100035812096400

Click to expand...

Read this story and perhaps, YOU will see how your spouse behaves through the lenses of this story.

Subconscious embedding is very real and when they happen during childhood, they become the operating system that runs the course of our lives.

Don’t go blaming your spouse. You have yours too. Be impartial on how you approach and deal.

These subconscious embeddings find expressions in how we handle money, how we express love, how we trust, how we make love, how we ask for things and how we view God.

It is real.

You see a good marriage. Never stop desiring it. The value of a good marriage in the life of a man and a woman is incalculable. It is absolute gold. Pls don’t allow the horrible stories you hear to make you stop desiring and looking for good marriage.

There are still good marriages out there

As a father the easiest way for you to earn the love and respect of your children is to love and respect their mother. Keep your ego aside and love and respect their mother and see how your children will love and respect you… Only wise men know this

If you like no choose vision man or woman for your children. Dey find big yansh or tall dark skin guy up and down
Wa je iyepe

A while ago, my brother and I had a conversation that led to us discussing why most some ladies are on social media saying they can't marry their tribe men.

He said something striking... "They are reacting based on the experiences they had with their parents".

For all the negative attributes you see people who are from a particular region place on their people in this context, are most likely out of the experiences they had through their parents.

When I read most arguments about family finance, I giggle, because I didn't grow up to witness such arguments with my parents...

People who grew up in lack, can hoard the little thing as food from other people. People who grew up seeing their father beating their mother, would most likely do same, except they become more intentional and get a therapy.

People whose fathers were irresponsible, are most likely to be so, except they are very intentional.

You can't also suddenly pray for loyalty from someone who witnessed their parents' infidelity and see it as a normal way of life.

The same way you can easily identify a rich man who grew up in poverty and the other who was born into wealth... Their social ethics, composure and dealings would directly communicate their experiences.

This is why background compatibility is important...

One of the questions our counselor asked us during pre-marital counseling was to list out those things we know our parents did that we wouldn't want to repeat them on our children or in our marriage...

I agree.. Most treatments, actions are as a result of past experiences they had with their parents.

If you want to marry right as a man, choose the woman who spends money on you.
And NO, it’s not about the money. It’s about the spirit of the woman.
Women are deeply spiritual.
They give to the man they love as a prophecy.
If your woman has NEVER spent even $100 on you, RUN. You are not her man - especially if they can afford to.

Men are providers by nature…
So giving money to a woman comes to a man naturally.

It is NOT the place of a woman to give money to a man…

In fact, most women do not give men money…

It is rare to find a woman who gives a man money…

Now that’s why you should find that RARE WOMAN…

“A virtuous woman, who can find?” Asks the holy book. It’s your lifetime challenge to find that woman who easily gives you her money, time and body without expecting anything in return. If you find her, MARRY HER IMMEDIATELY then GIVE HER YOUR LIFE, WEALTH AND EVERYTHING.

And to women…
If you want to know a man who genuinely loves you, fake being sick and ask him to wash your clothes including underwears, cook for you, clean the house and take care of you while you’re sick.
Serving a woman doesn’t come natural to men. Men love to be served. It takes the highest form of love for a man to serve a woman. It’s easier for a man to give a woman money than for him to serve the woman. If he refuses to serve you while you’re sick, walk away. He doesn’t love you enough - even if he pays your bills.

The true test of love is when someone does something outside their character to make you feel loved.